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(3/5) When Something Feels Off: A Family Guide to Recognizing Abuse and Neglect in a Care Setting
- Impact Injury Law
- Apr 8
- 4 min read
Updated: Apr 10
This five-part blog series is for families who visited a loved one recently – over a holiday weekend, during a school break, or an ordinary afternoon – and came home with a feeling they couldn't shake.
Something looked different. Your loved one seemed quieter than usual. The facility felt off somehow.
This series will help you understand what you saw, what to ask, and what to do next. Whether your loved one is 15 or 85 and in a residential treatment program, a group home, a nursing facility, or any other care setting - Impact Injury Law is here to help.
Series Overview
Part 3: Questions to Ask Your Loved One
Getting an honest answer from a loved one in a care facility is not always straightforward. They may be afraid of retaliation. They may not want to worry you. They may have been coached on what to say. They may not have the words for what they are experiencing.
This section will help you ask the right questions — in the right way — to open the door to honest conversation.
Before You Ask: Setting the Conditions
Request privacy. Ask to speak with your loved one alone, away from staff. If this is refused without a clear clinical reason, note that as a concern.
Go slow. Start warm and let the conversation build. Don't open with alarming questions.
Watch body language as much as words. Pauses, flinching, looking toward the door, or changing the subject are all forms of communication.
Don't rush to reassure. If they begin to share something, resist the urge to say "I'm sure it's fine" before they've finished speaking.
About Daily Life
"What does a typical day look like for you here?"
Listen for routine, structure, and engagement. Are they describing a life — or just waiting?
"Are you getting enough to eat? Do you like the food?"
Nutrition is a basic need. Unexplained weight changes, complaints about food, or reports of missed meals are worth following up on.
"Are you sleeping okay?"
Disrupted sleep can signal anxiety, an unsafe environment, medication issues, or conditions that don't feel secure.
"Is there anything you wish was different about living here?"
An open-ended question that gives them room to name concerns without feeling like they are reporting anyone.
About Staff and Relationships
"Who are the staff members you feel most comfortable with?"
Pay attention to who they name — and who they avoid naming. Notice if they struggle to name anyone at all.
"Has anyone here ever made you feel uncomfortable, scared, or disrespected?"
Ask this directly and calmly. Give them space to answer without jumping in.
"How do staff treat you when you're having a hard time?"
This gets at how crises are handled — whether your loved one is supported, isolated, restrained, or punished during difficult moments.
"Has anyone ever touched you in a way that felt wrong or that you didn't agree to?"
Ask this plainly, for loved ones of all ages. It matters.
About Safety
"Have you ever felt afraid here?"
Simple, direct, and important. If the answer is yes, follow with: "Can you tell me more about that?"
"Has anything happened here that you've wanted to tell me but weren't sure you should?"
This gives explicit permission to disclose. Sometimes that permission is the only thing standing between silence and the truth.
"Do you ever feel like you can't say certain things when staff are around?"
If the answer is yes — that is significant information about the culture of the facility.
"Do you know what to do or who to talk to if something happened that didn't feel right?"
This tells you whether your loved one feels empowered — and whether the facility has given them a real grievance process.
About Medical and Physical Care
"Are you getting all of your medications when you're supposed to?"
Missed doses, wrong doses, or confusion about medications warrants immediate follow-up with the facility.
"Have you had any injuries recently? Can you tell me what happened?"
Ask even if you don't see visible marks. Listen to whether the explanation makes sense — and whether it matches what staff told you.
Closing Every Conversation
"Is there anything else you want me to know — anything at all?" Always end with this. The most important thing is often said at the very end.
And then, regardless of what they share:
"I want you to know that you can tell me anything. I will believe you, and I will help you."
This is not a question. It is a promise. And it may be the most important thing you say all visit.
In Part 4, we will walk through the questions every family should ask the facility directly — and explain why how they answer matters just as much as what they say..
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